Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sisters under your porch take her home
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize