then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize