I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
