Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
