She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
