i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
