Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
