i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
