That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
