im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
lets start a swedish sibling band together
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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