I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
