I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
