omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
