I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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