If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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