can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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