I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
