I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
