Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize