My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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