I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
