Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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