my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
