party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize