Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is my gift to your gina
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
