the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
