I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
