I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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