I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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