i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
