i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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