So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
