well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
