I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize