Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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