did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
