He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
