note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
