Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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