I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
