He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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