I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
