That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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