you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
