ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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