It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
