that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
