$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
