So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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