watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
