Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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