wanna go halves on a baby?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
