I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
