She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
