GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
