i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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