Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
