So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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