why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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