can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
