How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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