I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize