I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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