My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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