hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
