she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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