So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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