All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
