dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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