im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
