all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My feet surprised me
Randomize